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January 30
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A somewhat scary story [Request]
The abandoned district

Assignment: A story about HarumiLove4’s OCs Darius and Melville (please check Description for some proper informations).
Rough plot-infos: “Darius and Melville are lost in a spooky and empty looking town at night. Darius is freaking out at every single sound he hears, while Melville rudely telling Darius to stop being so scared."



“Oh please, Melville, why not?”

“It’s a stupid idea, why should I even agree?”

“Because we’re friends?”

“…Fine.” The older grumbled, not even trying to make eye-contact.

“Yay!” the black-haired man, named Darius, jumped up out of joy, just like a 7-year-old would do when he got a toy car from his dad to his birthday. It was indeed important for him that Melville would come along. To tell the truth, he was a bit scared when he thought about his ‘plan’ he wanted to proceed, so it was wonderful that his friend Melville wanted to accompany him.
Melville on the other side wasn’t that joyful to have to help Darius with his stupid ‘plan’. He couldn’t even suffer him. But, oh well, a little walk outside would at least be better than sitting any longer in this horrible shop.

Darius ‘plan’ was kind of simple.
Rumors spoke about an abandoned part of the city they lived in. The rumors split up in different reasons why a whole district became shuttered and deserted. It seemed kind of ridiculous that a whole district isn’t inhabitant by anyone anymore. Darius was eager to find out what happened to the abandoned district, but was too scared to go look by him. One reason may be the scariest story he read about the abandoned district.

The story was about a crazy scientist who had made (gen-) experiments with humans and may still do. The lost souls of his human guinea pigs are now, if you believe in the story, cursed to keep on living in their deformed bodies. To satisfy the scientist, that he won’t misuse the guinea pigs again for his mad experiments and deform them even more, they search for lost travelers who dare to come near the abandoned district to give them to the doctor.

Melville laughed about these stories. It was way too ludicrous to be real. Darius wasn’t that stupid to believe in those stories, but it still had some terrifying realism in it, right?


Because of a clichéd way of coincidences the destiny had laid out ready for the two mean, it was early evening as they reached the beginning of the abandoned district.
Melville put out a flashlight he had brought with him in a bag pack.
“Hey, what do you think we’re gonna find here?” Darius asked curiously looking at the long ropes of ivy hanging of most of the buildings. It had some kind of post-apocalyptic world ending in it. Most of the houses were either to the half ruined or overgrown with ivy. Nowhere was a sight of light or life.

“We won’t find anything here,” Melville asked, quite monotone. “It’s a waste of time, I tell you. Those fairy tales are something to scare little kids.”
Just as an ominous presage – or only just to show Melville that he’s wrong – a howling sound was heard from one of the houses a bit further ahead. The sudden sound burned itself marrow-deep. Darius jumped in astonishment and hid behind his taller friend. Even Melville reacted a bit tensed and scanned the region with the flashlight before forcing himself to calm down.
“Let’s just go through this alley and get back,” Melville suggested. Not that he was scared or anything, he just had a bad feeling.

Darius agreed, trying to get some optimism into his mind again. He forced himself to show some braveness and went ahead; Melville followed.
Not much footsteps later, there was again this howling, far away. But suddenly there was a loud ‘CRACK’ which let Darius make a little scream, until he recognized that he just tapped on an old limb. Melville would normally just roll his eyes but just as Darius trapped aside to look at what made the sound, he saw a glittering pair of reddish-eyes in one of the ruined houses at the end of the alley. For a couple of moments he just stand there and stared at the threatening real looking eyes, before Darius asked him, why he looked so shocked.
“Tz, don’t be a pussycat.” Melville said covering his confusion about what he just saw.


“I guess you’re right, Melville. Here isn’t anything strange, just old stone and ivy. Let’s get back to town.” Melville looked again at the place he thought to have seen the eyes; there was nothing, just darkness and emptiness. Did he begin to imagine things now?
:iconthecolorisrainbow:
Author's note: I'm pretty proud of the outcominc of this >w<.

Request-Giver: ~HarumiLove4

Assignment: A story about HarumiLove4’s OCs Darius and Melville (please check Description for some proper informations).

Rough plot-infos: “Darius and Melville are lost in a spooky and empty looking town at night. Darius is freaking out at every single sound he hears, while Melville rudely telling Darius to stop being so scared.

Character informations: Please see here: [link]



~SinfoniaNocturne was so kind and did the beta-reading >w<
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:iconsinfonianocturne:
Mood: Joy ~SinfoniaNocturne Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Eh, well, as I said, no problem for the betareading.
But now for the comment to the story itself.
I can't say much about the way you wrote the Protas, since they are not my OCs, but from what I know about them through the infos given in the link I think that you got their personalities quite right (and since the owner of those two is saying the same, I don't think that I'm mistaken.)
So, now to my favourite part: The surrounding.
I LOVE abandoned buildings, dark woods and alleyways, places where ghosts could show up, these old psychiatries where crazy rumors where made about... stuff like that, you know?
So, since we do have our own ghost house in that little hicksville I'm living in I do have kind of an idea what the atmosphere is like where they are and in my oppinion, you did a good job with catching it.

So yeah, that's all I can think of now, only a little critique: You leave too many questions unanswered. What were those red eyes? If nothing ever happened there, then why the rumours? And (only important for me, I think... ^^'') what do those ghosts(mutants/whatever I shall call them look like? I really wanna know!

Sop, yeah, that's really it.

(Und warum zum Geier hab ich mir die Mühe gemacht und das alles auf englisch geschrieben, wenn dus auf deutsch doch eben so gut verstanden hättest?!)
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:iconthecolorisrainbow:
~TheColorIsRAINBOW Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
O__O
Oh wow, also auf deutsch wäre es wohl sicherlich einfacher gewesen, aber ich danke dir sehr für dein Feedback! :3 (und das du dir die mühe gemacht hast!)
Was die Kritik angeht, werde ich mich bemühen bei weiteren geschichten, die nicht so lang sind, ein wenig mehr Erklärung einzubauen. Wenn du dennoch eine antwort auf die fragen haben willdt, muss ich dir wohl leider sagen, dass du dir selber eine ausdenken musst x3

Zum Schluss, nochmal ein liebes Danke! :D
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:iconsinfonianocturne:
~SinfoniaNocturne Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Hm, das heißt, meine abartigre Fantasie muss wieder zur Tat schreiten und sich genmanipulierte Irgendwasse ausdenken? Freut mich ^w^
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:iconthecolorisrainbow:
~TheColorIsRAINBOW Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Natürlich! Du bit doch eh die beste für diesen job x3
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:iconsinfonianocturne:
~SinfoniaNocturne Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Tihi, da freu ich mich aber! Jetzt kann cih endlich mal wieder Monster zeichnen und eine Begründung dafür haben!
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:iconthecolorisrainbow:
~TheColorIsRAINBOW Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha, braucht man dazu eine begründung?xDD
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:iconsinfonianocturne:
~SinfoniaNocturne Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Wenn meine Eltern das sehen schon...
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:iconthecolorisrainbow:
~TheColorIsRAINBOW Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha xDD
Hatte ich auch mal. Ich hab meine mutter einfach nur total verstörtangeshn und angefangen zu lachen XD
Sie ist dann einfach, total verwirrt, gegangen xD
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(1 Reply)
:iconharumilove4:
Awww Totally Cute! Darius Was Just Too Adorable heehee I Loved All Of His Reactions :3 And Melville Was Written Well Too :D Masking His Fear XD
You Did Well To Show Their Personalities And I Got A Good Laugh Out Of This (In A GOOD Way haha)
Thanks So Much! X3

Love,
Harumi <3
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:iconthecolorisrainbow:
~TheColorIsRAINBOW Jan 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww I'm so glad you like it. It was fun to write x3
These two characters are kinda interesting I think. :3
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